"who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" - matthew 6:27

i totally freaked out last night.
in a way that i haven't in a lonnnng time.
i'm talking smashing the wall (to the point of bruising my wrist), banging the desk, screaming till i grow hoarse, and repeat.
i found out last night that i couldn't receive my diploma at the ceremony tomorrow.

EVEN THOUGH i turned in all the paperwork.
EVEN THOUGH i completed everything.
EVEN THOUGH the dean and the chem dept said everything would be cool.

basically the problem was with my chemistry BA major. i turned in the paperwork for the requirements to be met and details to be squared off. up until the day of chapter focus week, nothing had changed. so i worried... for only a bit. because the dean said he would take care of everything. so you can again, imagine my surprise at that email.

so i had two choices:
1. forget about the chemistry BA and just receive the art history BA in august.
2. take the one class i'm lacking for the chemistry BA over the summer.. and receive both degrees in august.

EITHER WAY, i would be graduating in august.

BUT i don't have the $$ to pay for that.
BUT i don't have housing for the summer.
BUT i don't have the desire even to take that class.

this morning, at the graduation rehearsal, i spoke with the dean (the dean who told me everything would be cool) and he assured me once again that he would take care of the problem. i felt much better. and just a few hours ago, i received an email saying that everything was a-okay. this time for sure. i will be receiving my diploma tomorrow.

more than the embarrassment of not being able to graduate w. my fellow classmates... i was scared of my dad. i didn't know how to tell him that i wasn't going to graduate. i couldn't make up for the time he took out to come to the U.S. and attend my graduation. (note: he arrived yesterday around noon.. and he's leaving next wed. for korea).

today, after the email from the dean, i thought of matthew 6:27.
i spent about 2-3 hours crying, screaming, wailing. my eyes were puffed to the point where i couldn't see even when my eyes were apparently open. i was scared to sleep, thinking that not sleeping would somehow fix things.

TRUST HIM.
I did everything on my part. WHY did i doubt that GOD would deliver?
Lesson learned.
forreal.