so many college students want to find out "who they are". of course, i'm including myself in this crowd. we seek comfort in lots of things: academics, sports, poker, computer games, boy/girlfriend, president of every single club available, foodfoodfood, and even solitude. it's amazing what many of these things do to us. academics reassure us that hey, we're not that stupid. sports lets us know that we're not the fatties of america. poker proves how sneaky and good we are at bluffing. computer games make us feel dextrous and "smarter" but at the same time really geeky. xP a boy/girlfriend will always be there for us. to get us chicken noodle soup when we're sick, flowers on valentine's, and a goodnight kiss. being president of every single club available looks awesome on a resume. foodfoodfood satisfies us like nothing else can, surprisingly. and solitude helps us just to relax and ponder on how the day went. orr to fall asleep. whichever. both bring comfort.

this whole idea of "identity in Christ" has got me baffled. i thought i had it figured out. but when the speakers on Friday at Koinonia Large Group talked about how we need to find our identity in Christ before we step into a relationship, i totally agreed. but now that i think about it, i dunno what i was agreeing to. of course i agree that i need to know who i am in Christ.... but what the heck does that mean? how do you get there? instead of the letters, PhD, MD, JD, whatever other letters, i put JC? does my middle name become Christ? when you "identify" yourself in something, you kinda become that something. if you identify yourself as an accountant, that's b/c that's what you do. if you're a lawyer, you talktalktalk. if you're a doctor, you work night and day to help people. that's WHO you are and WHAT you do. those go hand in hand. WHO you are should determine WHAT you do. of course people change and end up changing their habits and behaviors. sometimes it's the other way around. when you start changing WHAT you do, like going into rehab, hopefully you come out a different person. =) but the point is that the two things are directly related. one affects the other.

we're all lost. face it. we ask questions b/c we don't know the answers. we sometimes seek aimlessly and try to grab things in the air where all there is .. is just air. we try to map out our life, but something seems to come along and mess ya up. you think you know what a guy/girl is thinking--ohhhh but you're so wrong. you wonder why your parents fight all the time and why they just can't get along. whatever's going on in your life... you just don't have the answers.

i read Luke 15:11-32 the Parable of the Lost Son for the bible study tomorrow

i feel just like that lost son who's wandered away from God. trying to fill my empty, vacant heart with things that just do not satisfy. i've wasted time, life, everything. i took for granted a lot of things God gave me. i'm still working on utilizing the talents God has given me for His good. there are lots of things i'm guilty of: jealousy, lies, manipulation, pride, etcetcetc. i'm a sinner. but seriously, God gives so much for us and doesn't stop giving. There was one word that really stuck out to me and it's a word that we all use. at least 283120398 times a day.




BUT




in v22 that word is used. the father didn't interrupt his son. he listened to what the son had to say. BUT, he heard it and left it at that. he couldn't stop rejoicing about how his son had returned to him. when i think about that, i can't help but think that there's a huge party going on in heaven every time a sinner repents of his sins. every time that we recommit and turn our hearts toward God again, i know God's just partying it up. =) for me, that's enough joy to last me.

so how does this passage relate to the identity in Christ business? until we truly accept what Jesus Christ has done for us.. i don't think we can ever truly turn to God. w/o believing that Jesus is the only way, the only truth, and the only life, and decide to take upon our cross, we can never truly turn to God. unless we decide to live the life that Jesus intended us to live, we won't understand how beautiful grace is. how do we define ourselves in Christ? by doing the things Jesus wants us to do. Follow his commandments. treasure His words.

who am i? i'm a daughter who was lost... for quite a while. but i know that there's a God who loves me. who's willing to open his arms, listen to my confessions, and accept me anyway. i believe in His son and i believe that he died for my sins. i believe that my life is totally messed up and totally dysfunctional w/o Him. it only makes sense when it's placed in His hands b/c i didn't bring myself into this world. only the one who's made me knows what's in store for me. if i truly am a believer and a follower of Christ, then people will see that and ultimately, THEY will define me as a Christian w/o me even saying so.