i'm too lazy to find the answer.
i think everything's already right in front of me so i sit back and expect things to fall into their place. but that's not how it works, now does it?

this is why i failed at chemistry. not literally failed, but how i failed to notice that chemistry was not the right major. sure, i liked it but i couldn't understand beyond the basics that i learned freshmen year in college. -__-;; i didn't know the questions to ask. no. scratch that. i knew the questions. i was too darn lazy to figure out the answers.

in my ochem lab last semester, we were on our own for a lot of things. they wanted to teach us how to be independent thinkers. they did their job, i'll tell you. the last experiment was completely done by ourselves. we were given a mixture of three compounds and we had to figure out what each of them were. the molecular structure and formula, the ratio of the weights, and obtain the NMR and IR spectroscopies. wasn't easy stuff. but i realized how little i really knew about organic chemistry. i wanted the answers given to me. i wanted to know the answer so i knew what to do.

many times on homeworks or even when i studied for the SATs, i'd cheat and look at the answer and be like, "what?! how can that be the answer!" and i waste time trying to figure it out w/o taking the time to solve it myself. guess i never really learned anything since i performed mediocre on the SATs and i ended up copying the solutions manual for the homeworks.

but art history is different.
i know the questions i want to ask. more than that, i want to find the answers. why else would i be reading art history books in my spare time? b/c i'm bored? yea right. i wanted to learn more about contemporary art so i'd be prepared for the upcoming class that i may or may not be taking. i wanted to keep the impressionism stuff fresh in my mind so the next time i came across a painting, i'd be able to incorporate history. i'd be expanding my knowledge. by reading, i'm also picking up on how to correctly describe a painting and write an essay about it. i got a B in my first art history class b/c not only does my writing suck, but i couldn't quite grasp how to talk about the painting intellectually. my essays (they were timed and written in those little blue books) had short sentences, and hardly any imagery or good vocabulary.

the christian walk is also different.
my Bible reading plan, altho i'm behind, is opening my eyes to passages that i've never come across before. and i'm getting a better sense of the whole context of the Bible. before, i had the horrible misconception that it was a collection of stories and letters. i knew there was a purpose. OT was boring and NT was applicable. WRONG. the NT is the fulfillment of the OT. i know the questions i have about christianity, too. and the Word is the answer. to all things.

there are still lots of times when i'm too lazy to find the answer. i still like to be spoonfed. but slowly i'm getting off the baby milk and moving onto solid food.