MiSURA

AF1 stands for "All For One" and this year's theme was "Grow Up?"

"14Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by
the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning
and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15Instead, speaking the truth
in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is,
Christ. 16From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting
ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work."
--Ephesians 4:14-16

1. the right pursuit
2. the right perspective on the Heavenly Father
3. to be with the right people
4. the right passion(s)
5. to ask God for the purpose in our life
6. to learn how to persevere

all 6 are like... so applicable, right?! just reading the simple phrases you can kind assume what kind of message it would be.

one of the things that i'm thankful for is the right people. whether i'm @ school or back @ home. either way, i'm surrounded by Christians. at school i have 5 other fabulous girls who keep me accountable. @ home, i have church, andrea, and my family. P. Seth talked about the community of believers focusing on Acts 2 an I Peter 2:9-10. A COMMUNITY will... what? seek ways to live together harmoniously. it's a place where people can comfortably say, "I feel safe here. I feel welcome here. I feel LOVE here." I'm looking at the five basic traits of a biblical community and I pray that this will come true for Koinonia. it's such simple stuff. like love one another, minister to one another, get to know each other, care for others, and sacrifice for others. such simple commands, right? but sssooo complex as to how to really act upon it. but that's what i'm praying for. for opportunities to get to know each other, to take care of each other, etc. but that is my prayer. after all, koinonia stands for fellowship does it not? =)

now for some wonderful pics of my small group!~ they rock.

that spells OAK 3. for those of you who can't tell. ^ ^ ellen's also holding up a sign. haha. and the other pic is of our star ! b/c we're stars.... O___o;;



aww. good job. diligently working on their QTs. ^ ^



aren't they beautiful?! so are their hearts ! so are their tears. their encouragements. even their hugs. i wish i could be with them all the time. all of them need an older sister. even though two of them already have one. another one wouldn't hurt, right? =)

i wish i could share more in depth about them... but yea. y'know.

the praise was just awesome. here's a clip that i took from the closing worship.

my prayer is that every word that they sang/shout/screamed/prayed would be a declaration of the truth when they return home. many if not all are afraid of falling even within the same day when they return back home. i fear for them, also. BUT. we aren't running this race alone, are we? we're running it together. we'll help each other get back up. instead of thinking about ourselves and wanting to selfishly claim the prize, we can all claim the prize together.

Jesus is greater than Santa.... for the following reasons. ^ ^

santa lies @ the north pole
JESUS is everywhere

santa rides in a sleigh
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water

santa comes but once a year
JESUS is an ever present help

santa fills your stockings with goodies
JESUS supplies all your needs

santa comes down your chimney uninvitd
JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when invited

you have to wait in line to see santa
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name

santa lets you sit on his lap
JESUS lets you rest in His arms

santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is, "Hi little boy or girl, what's your name?"
JESUS knew your name before you did
not only does He know your name,
He knows your address too.
He knows your history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on your head

santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly
JESUS has a heart full of love

all santa can offer is HO HO HO
JESUS offers Health, Help, and Hope

santa says, "You better not cry."
JESUS says, "Case all your cares on me for I care for you."

santa's little helpers make toys.
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions

santa may make you chuckle but,
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength

while santa puts gifts under your tree
JESUS became our gift and died on a tree.
Yes, from sin He set us freeeeee


Merry Christmas everyone. =)

Familiar faces. it is so good to be home. in my comfortable bed. in the warmth of my family. hugs @ church. it still really is so different from case. funny how i used to compare case to chicago, now i'm doing the opposite. i was sitting with the youth group kids after service was over, and i wanted so badly just to break out in song and i wanted my suitemates there with me so we could all jam together. it sure is different being in the same living environment as your peers rather than just seeing them once or twice every week.

there's still a part of me that feels weird... but i think i know exactly why now.

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today @ church was really good, too. i even received a present from catherine ! haha. that's because we went shopping for each other together @ woodfield mall ! haha. what did we get for each other? a cross necklace. i've always wanted one. we went to almost every jewelry store to look for the perfect one and we were wondering why they were so expensive ! DUH... they had real diamonds. hahahaha silly us. ours doens't even have any diamonds.. not even the cubic zirconia stuff. haha. but it was the perfect find @ the last minute. yay!

as i was shopping and waiting for catherine to arrive, though, i noticed that everyone was shopping for someone. sometimes that someone was with them, in the case of couples buying a ring, earrings, necklace, etc for each other. or mother/daughter, father/son couples going into electronic stores, other expensive stores. and then i felt bad that i don't really get gifts for anyone. if you've ever received a gift from me.. you must've been REALLY special. haha. but seriously. i've only gotten gifts for people if some extraordinary event happened between us, if i wanted to congratulate you on something, if you made a huge impact on my life, etc. but again. only if it was a huuuuuuuge deal. other than that.. i guess i just don't show love through gifts. tough. i hope my husband understands. =)

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yesterday was also the college group xmas party. look what i ended up with ! it's a pretty jewelry box. last night reminded me of how a body of Christ works. each person had a role. there was someone who brought a dish for potluck. someone to take care of the games time. a few people who were cleaning up and throwing away trash. and all of this.. voluntary.

later last night i also watched ocean's 11. another reminder how each person has a specific role ! haha, what a perfect example. seriously. imagine what they would've done without matt damon's character (whatever his name was). who would they have picked on as the noob? what about livingston to take care of the eyes & ears of the operation? how about saul. hhahaha "zerga". awesome name. and def. the two guys who played almost every single annoying role. always side by side, used as diversions for lots of things. haha how would the robbery go down w/o them. we all have a role and purpose no matter where we are. maybe we're the one who cracks the jokes. or the one who talks to the person who feels lonely. or the one who cleans up after an event. maybe we like to get there earlier and help set up and make dinner. even if all you do is laugh and participate, that's great, too. =) can't have everyone working and no one to enjoy it with. ^ ^

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yay for new mp3 player, too. yay. no more of 25 min. of playtime on the iriver and then having it shut down on me while it gains new energy for approx. 30 minutes only to play another 25 minutes. haha. the new one looks like a phone. it's just missing the #s. haha. but only 2 gb. -____-;; oh well. guess i just gotta start making good playlists and learn to be more selective.

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i wanna tell you a story.


this has to do with the story of Jesus. HISstory.

one night a bright star led three wise men to a manger. they brought gifts: gold, frankincense, and myrrh to Jesus. He grew up as a carpenter and later became a fisher of men. He had 12 disciples and they spread the word of God. But one dark day of envy, hate, and death, Jesus was put to the death on the cross and He bled for our sins to purify us. Through this, peace was brought upon the land. Now Jesus is with God and the Holy Spirit and He did this all because of his love for us.

by ludacris ft. mary j. blige




first of all.. is the third girl the same girl from akeelah & the bee? curious question.
second of all.. mary j. blige is amazing. i love her style of singing how she just lets her heart sing rather than trying to match the music, or to sound like a diva, whatever. i can just feel what she's feeling as she's singing. that's music @ another level.

there is no personal reason as to why i posted this. but there are girls out there who feel this .. everyday. it's reality. maybe not the same reality that you and i encounter, but it is out there. the girl sitting next to you in math class, the girl you pass everyday in the library late @ night when you're studying. the girl who's @ the gym all the time trying to exercise off the stress. the girl who sits by herself during lunch because she has no friends.

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p.s. i'm doing better. ^ ^ i'm still nowhere done with the list, but i'm getting there. i'm doing better since i'm back @ home. i just needed time.

so it's the end. grades are finalized. schedule for next semester is set in stone. it's over. so let's reflect ! ^ ^ i can easily go thru the past posts and recap that way.. but what fun is that. i mite think of things that i didn't think of before.

first looking @ the beginning of the school year when koinonia opened with the luau.. that was awesome ! i had no clue what to expect from the upcoming semester regarding koinonia. i just wanted so many people to come and for God to change their lives so much ! i prayed silly prayers. haha. but i'm glad that God brought all these new freshmen and their open hearts. i'm overjoyed when i hear that they go to power groups consistently, that one kid has never missed a prayer meeting, that one girl always makes each birthday special.. i love it when they visit our suite and make lots of noise and jam/praise until the sun rises. sure, i can't get studying done, but i see what God is stirring in their hearts, and that, my friend, has far more value. and what have we accomplished besides growing, encouraging one another, and praising our hearts out? we compiled a CD !! the talents in koinonia just doesn't end. check out that album cover ! janiceahn.. absolutely incredible. not only does she have a bright wit and a fabulous alto voice, but she can design like no other ! the CD also features many great musicians in koinonia. and even the people who are speaking verses and passages have a voice perfect. how did thiis all happen so magically? only through God's provision. we ran into lots of difficulty, too. we obviously did not realize that it would take sucha long time to make! we also did not calculate that, gee... FINALS were right around the same time. so our mixing masters were working on this day & night. madddd props to them. =) thanks guys. 복 많이 받으실꺼에요! ^___^V

i can't stop praising God for his love for koinonia. and i love koinonia, too. =)

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now my suitemates. how incredible are they! hahaah omygoodness.
eunice, clara, joyce, hannah, and rachel.

monday nights.. i'll never forget that hour. i told you i'd miss you already. i don't think i'll find another group of girls like this one. i love coming back to my room b/c i have them to look forward to ! i call my little 9x10 room a home. i call my suite : 703 THE suite b/c it just is. ^ ^ Eunice - reserved but hilarious; Clara - the mommy. haha. Joyce - a little out of it sometimes, but always ready to listen when someone's hurting. Hannah - responsible and witty. always ready to pray for someone. =) Rachel - always fun and full of life.

they're all single, too. ~,^ but mistreat them and you'll answer to me.

i'm still under construction .. but i wanna talk about this real quick.
but before i go into that.. =) i'm home ! got home yesterday morning.. had lunch w/ my family and andrea, then i went to bed. around 1pm. and woke up this morning around 845am. ^ ^ that's a new all-record high. 20 hrs !!! harhar.

anyway, nothing to boast about. let's get to what the real point is.

i'm someone who likes to notice the details. but like most people, i'm still quite ignorant and oblivious to a lot around me. i started reading the textbook for bio215. i initially wanted to read it b/c i wanted to get a bio background for my undergraduate research (my research advisor is a biochemist). but since i'm not doing undergrad research next semester, i guess i would have no reason to read it, right? but i still wanted to, b/c how can i say no to knowledge? anyway. so i started reading up on the "chemistry of the cell" chapter 2. chapter 1 was pretty basic stuff like electron valences, the carbon atom, and a bit of intro ochem. so i was like... ah ! who cares ! and moved on. but i had to spend quite a bit of time on p.27 because it shows a picture of the "hierarchical nature of cellular structures and their assembly". and it's just a picture, but i sat there with my mouth wide open in awe of how complicated a simple cell is ! the tinest of tinest of things is so complicated ! WHY?! you probably don't wanna know about it but i'm gonna tell you anyway b/c maybe i'll read back on my posts and i forgot what the hierarchy was. ^ ^

level 1 : small organic molecules like glucose, amino acids, and nucleotides
level 2 : macromolecules like cellulose, proteins and DNA
level 3 : supramolecular structures like cell wall, membrane, chromosome
level 4 : organelles and other structures like chloroplast, mitochondrion, nucleus
level 5 : all of level 4 put together ! to make one whoppin cell.

and you know how i like pictures. and colors. so this pictures just had me hooked. now i'm past p.27, but i definitely did stop for a bit.

before dinner today, i watched the travel channel hoping to listen in on a episode of europe or something. but instead they talked about the federal reserve and how the new bill was created. wow. the labor, the hours, and how thousands of bills can easily be rejected ! and how top-secret it needs to be. haha the more secretive it is, the more i wanna know about it ! maybe i should quit and go into finance just so i can find out for myself exactly what the dimensions of the federal reserve in west point is. the exact chemical formula for the dye in the bills.

my daddy received godiva choclate and a christmas ornament from his travel agent. haha he's used the same travel agent for six straight years. i think he deserves a present too. ^ ^ but before i ate the chocolate.. i realized how careful the design on the chocolate was. i had to pause before i ate it. i don't think each chocolate is given special, personal care. but still. it's still a piece of art.

i'm an even more observant person, now. =)

i think that's one of the reasons why i like chemistry so much. kakakeke.

alright. that's enough for now. byebye !

1. full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing.
2. belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.

#1 i can relate to. i don't have a problem with having confidence in others. actually, the trustworthiness might be something that i have a problem with, but for the most part, i am comfortable with relying on others. i like encouraging others b/c i know that they have the knowledge, power, strength, motivation, talent, whatever to do what they're gonna do.

#2 is what i have a problem with. and i'm sure a lot of people do, too.
today, i spoke to my research advisor about my paper and next semester's goals. we talked a lot for a good half hour. and 25 min. out of the 30 i was crying. she basically told me that i had been very wishy washy about my committment to undergrad research. which is totally true. there were times when i was like, ohyea i'll come in.. but i totally forget to. either b/c i was sleeping or i was just too lazy. she asked if i was serious about this. if my grades were falling apart b/c of undergrad research. maybe i should take a break. etc. in the end, i decided not to do undergrad research for next semester and resume in the summer or even next year. but that's not why i cried.

i cried b/c i realized that i haven't the first clue as to what i'm doing here. am i really here to go into csi? am i supposed to be a prof? am i supposed to go into research? maybe i'll suddenly go to med school. i have no clue. who knows what my road is. and b/c of this uncertainty, i'm scared and i dunno what to do. and b/c i dunno what to do, i don't try my best. and b/c i don't try my best, i think i'm dumb and i lose confidence. there are other factors that contribute to my low self-esteem and low self-confidence... but majority of it is self-inflicted.

i always thought that i had confidence. i don't mind being silly sometimes, singing @ the top of my lungs, or approach a person who looks like they're having a crummy time. is that confidence? i think part of the reason why i'm doing so poorly in chemistry, is b/c i don't have confidence that i can learn all this material. sure i have interest, but interest just isn't enough. i always second guess myself instead of going w/ gut feeling or knowledge that i've accumulated last year. i wait around and have someone else point me in the direction. so in the end... i guess i really don't have confidence.

and i hate it.

i hate how i have to mess up every first semester ever since high school. it's either b/c of priorities toward other activities, a relationship, really tough courses, whatever. it's a horrible cycle of screwing up first semester and realizing it too late and having to wait until second semester to freakin' get my act together. i can't think of one first semester that was ever good. something always went wrong. obviously i have still not learned my lesson. i hate how i have to go home and hear about how much of a failure i am. i hate how every time i look @ my DPR, it will show my grades.. and i won't be smiling. i hate how i look back on this semester and realize how much time i wasted.........

i was in a state of denial until today. i laughed all the time to try and forget. i called people and told them how ridiculous final exams are and how ridiculously poorly i'm doing. but ... today denial was dispelled and the truth spilled out.

it's not about others believing in me. b/c i know others do.
it's about believing in myself. and believing that God will work wonders. i almost have like no strength to even pray for that. not b/c i feel unworthy, but b/c i dunno what i'd do if it didn't work out. but God does reward the persistent ones, doesn't He?

i hope this winter break isn't filled with tears. i'd hate for that to happen.

that's exactly what i feel. i just spent the last hour and a half washing the dishes, cleaning out my desk, throwing out all my labs and useless junk. all the paper that's lying around even in the drawers. cleaning up the floor w/ that swifter thingie. =) even though a vacuum cleaner would work best. i know that desk still looks messy.. but lemee tell you.. there was paper EVERYWHERE. inside that little drawer, under the keyboard, behind the monitor, hanging from the shelf, and all over under the desk, too. haha. ohmannn.. there were LOTS of times when i thought that i lost my protocol but it was just hiding under the keyboard. or when i lost the notecard that had a list of things to do. i found lots of things while i was cleaning. i found two dimes, 3 nickels, candy (i wonder how old that stuff is), lots of penssss (i was beginning to wonder where those all went), bobby pins, old tests that i wanted to bury.. etc. unfortunately, no hairties. SERIOUSLY. where do those things go?! and again, this picture may look messy, too. but the emphasis is ON THE FLOOR. look @ how almost nothing is on it ! hahaha. usually... i have bags laying everywhere. my umbrella & badminton racket. and if my jackets/coats hadn't fallen from the bed already, then they would be on the floor too. sometimes, my jeans and other clothes are sticking out of that tub or from the closet. the bookshelf needs some work. buuut i can work on that later. =)

i'm gonna study my butt off for the pchem test. but only after i play tomorrow and have some chipotle on sat. night, too. x)

eeek! it's almost over.

i was supposed to wake up @ 7am for my 830am today.

guess what time i woke up. yes, that's right. 840am. so i bolt outta bed, grab my glasses, change into jeans, grab my hat whose only purpose is to be worn when i haven't showered yet. and i ran outta my building. hurriedly called oppa and got a ride to my exam. i was so embarrassed, walking in almost half an hour late for the exam. and there weren't enough seats for all of us ! so i sat right outside the lecture hall and stared blankly @ the exam. i couldn't believe it. i read the second question 15 times. i even counted how many times i read it. maybe that's why i didn't understand it. anyhow. i ended the exam in less than an hour b/c the exam is all short answer. so you either know it.. or you don't. and i obviously didn't. BUT i did pass/fail the class, so i'm pretty sure i'm not gonna fail even though i will fail this exam.

this is what i feel :
i feel like a huuuge babooo. a giant dummy. and a failure. not only do i totally NOT care about the class, but even in my other classes i'm just completely indifferent. this must be some sort of disorder. like "gradually losing interest in learning syndrome". is there a name for this? but the things is.. i'm still very very interested in learning ! just not in evolution and physical chemistry. and what's difficult for me is.. that the grades don't correspond directly to my interest. =(


so now i'm back in my room. waiting for my suitemate to get out of the shower. look @ what oppa made me, too. cute, right? ALMOST like a 코스모스 (cosmos). i feel better. and even more better b/c of sushi tonight ! wheee =) and i need to write up the draft to my research paper. i'll show you what it looks like just so you can be like, what the freak are you talking about. kekeke. xP b/c i'd be saying that, too ! what a coincidence. harhar. just kidding. i'd know what i'm talking about. silly kids.

okay my suitemate is outta the shower now. time to rub a dub dub.



and here are some more photos that i did last night. =)

i was going through my pictures from this past summer.... and decided to photoshop around. ^ ^
click on the pictures for a bigger size. and there's a "고구마 (gogoomah)" @ the bottom right hand corner b/c that's gonna be my signature... for the moment, at least. i'm not sure what my signature will be. haha i think gogoomah is more of a nickname than a signature. so i'll come up w/ a better one by next time. enjoy! the flowers are from padua, italy. and the other two are from the louvre area.










=) back to work for me!

the road is difficult and rocky.
i'll get bloodied; i'll cry
i'll fall and crawl
i'll claw my way thru the thorns
but i dunno what's on the other side
would it be better than what i'm trying to leave?
what's the point...

i've been completely exhausted of everything i have this semester. i dunno how much i got left. i'm running on empty. it's like trying to run separate races back to back. and i'm running lots of races back to back. i dunno how everyone else does it. maybe they're all struggling as much as i am. i just wanna fall and give up. maybe i should've just gone to u of i? maybe i should've been a music major. so many questions.................

and i feel like i'm not good enough for anything or anyone. and it's so hard b/c that darned book, captivating tells me otherwise. and i know God's speaking to me through that book. and as much as i wanna deny it.. i can't. i really am worth something, right? of course. then why is it so hard to believe.

why am i being like this?! i'm done. i just wanna go home. away from this all. but not home chicago home, either. somewhere else. and start a new home. where no one knows me.

=)
don't worry about me.

just finished watching "stairway to heaven (천국의 계단)" the korean drama series w/ kwon sang woo (권상우) and choi ji woo (최지우). the only thing i got out of that drama series is how much people cry. oh and a person will go crazy if she tries to plot a marriage between her daughter and the son of a major corporation. and how actors really can't play the piano. and there are lots of cute shoes in korea. ^ ^

anyway. i ended up skipping through a lot of the drama b/c i was bored. so if one episode were like an hour.. i finished it in half an hour. skipped thru all the flashbacks, crying, running across the beach, driving really fast while thinking, all those parts. you korean drama fans are probably shaking your heads b/c i shouldn't have skipped those parts b/c they're soo.... essential, right? well HAR HAR, they're not. they're pointless and fillers. i think this series could've been done in like 10 episodes. i was like, AHHH is it over yet?! WHAT they break up AGAIN? now they're back together. 2 episodes later, o look. they're broken up again. but i guess in real life that happens, too. people break up and get back together. but there's misunderstanding, a change of heart, and people break up again. it happens. i know. i know. but i'm sure my sappy romantic side will soon snap in and i'll reflect on this drama series more. especially the phrase "stairway to heaven".

but for now........girls' night w/ koinonia @ liz's house is tonight. lots of pictures to be in store, FOR SURRRE =D b/c girls don't care how many pictures you take and what you take a pic of. keke. so i'll be going crazzzy. bye!

to consider someone as a "potential" without actually liking him?

hahaha. y'all are probably way too confused. and i just said y'all. >___>;; something is polluting my brian & lips. i blame it on.. you. yes. you. anyway. is it possible? that's wat i've been thinking for.. quite a while, now. i don't have romantic thoughts about him. i don't fantasize about how we met and how our wedding day is gonna be. haha. that's for guys that are totally outta my league like.. 권상우. ohman. keke. but i dunno. just wanted to throw that question out there.



in other news : it's snowing ! a lot ! and i love love love love love it.
sure, it's freezing, but who cares?! all the more reason to cozy up w/ your friends or that special someone. ~,^ i love winter clothes, too. getting to bundle up w/ the scarf, mittens, hoodies, coats, boots, knee length socks, leggings, sweaters, earmuffs, headbands, anything goes ! put 'em ALL on. and it's okay. ^ ^ LAYER TO THE MAX. my hair's super long, now, too. it's awesome. ^ ^

finals are just around the corner. here we go.

home is so close. and by that, i mean my bed. HARHAR. just keeding. i meant my family, and my close ones. =)

lemee get serious again.

i feel.. like when i go home i'm in a cage. not b/c of my parents or anything. but b/c of other people. maybe i'm being too self-conscious. but i feel like i need to act different. here @ case, i'm totally myself. sure i need to be a bit more extroverted than usual so that we can lure the freshmen in.. muhehhee but i feel like i can be silly. like today in badminton, the only people i know in that class are tim & clara. besides them.. i dunno anyone else. that's at least 20 people. now the normal bokeumee wouldn't make kung fu noises and act like a monkey. but i have done that in the past in classes. and today my pants were really thick and making me hot, so i rolled 'em up my leg and i looked ridiculous. like i had tire wheels stuck in my legs. but i really didn't care. when i walk to class i used to sing along w/ my iriver. but now that it's acting retarded i don't do that. but i still hum along to my own tune. i bet when i go up in the elevator to my floor people hear me singing. kaka. when i'm @ koinonia, i don't hafta be afraid to tell my fellow christian brothers & sisters what i'm struggling w/. of course i need to use discretion when it comes to guys & girls, but i know that they'll accept me no matter what i've done. w/ my suitemates, we're real. r e a l. but i don't feel like that when i'm @ home. why is that? i've known these people for 5years. ohwait. stop. do i really know 'em? guess not. there. problem solved. i never got to know them in the first place. and i supposed that's my fault, right? =( yeea. haha, so here i am complaining about how i don't feel like i'm @ home @ home.. and it's my fault all along. haha. hope you didnt read all that. if you did.. suckers. xP anyway. the other quesiton now is.. how do i deal w/ this. i really shoudln't care about how i've changed.. or maybe i haven't changed and case just exposed something hidden w/in me. as much as i don't wanna shelter this side of me.. i have this pang in my heart that says that i need to. b/c it didn't help me fit in in the first place. i never felt welcome. but it's my fault, definitely. i was never good @ keeping in touch. i always needed work in that area. man, i need help loving others. ssssssssssssooo selfish. >_>;; just like i say i love love love snow.. i can say that i love love love people, too, right? =)

i dunno how long this post will be up. or at least the second half. we'll see. ^ ^

Reading this article makes me wanna be left-handed.
i always knew they were "different" and "special". see like when it comes to sports, they can be like ambidextrious and play with both their feet, or in tennis they can switch hands instead of playing backhand, etc. but then i read this article, written almost two years ago, and i think, "whew. glad i'm a rightie." haha, the point is not that left-handed people are better or vice versa. it means that i'm glad that i'm the way i am.

a topic that comes up every now and then is extreme makeover. not the home edition but the liposuction, breast-enhancing, chin chiseling, and nose chopping extreme makeover. sounds harsh, but that's pretty much what it is. on the external level. but these people have deep wounds that they need fixed and the only way for them is to work from the outside in. there are those that are struggling to find a job b/c of their appearance. some have encountered accidents that have scarred them horribly. these people have had those horror stories from high school and college of loneliness, abandonment, isolation, etc. look around, don't you see those people now, too? it's all about self-esteem. some of these people look fine, maybe their nose is a little off balance. maybe their thighs are too wide. maybe their hair is a little too crazy and untameable. the point is, they're not mutated or monsters. these people have true feelings just like you and i do. i'm not saying it's our faults that they're not incredibly gorgeous (and fake, might i add), but we are contributing to their deteriorating self-esteems. i see those people especially @ case b/c people (even from outside of case) discuss how case has ugly girls and guys. how there's no one to really date b/c we're all nerds and don't care about how we look. that's fine and all b/c i think these students are super bright and kind people. but when we purposely avoid them, not embrace them, and leave them in their room to stay by themselves all day and night and weekend.. then it's our fault. it's my fault. whenever i do get a chance to work on a project with them, ask a homework question, i try not to hesitate just b/c of the way that they look, smell, dress, whatever. i would hate it if someone did that to me. it's not my fault that my nose is super flat and has no definite shape. it's not my fault that my eyes don't have double eyelids. not my fault that i can't afford $100+ boots and $60 jeans.

whenever i do watch an episode of this show, though, i just pray that these people's lives will be changed. that whatever they went through was genuine and that their hurt will be solaced. sure, it's kinda weird to find solace in such things as cosmetic surgery and rhinoplasty, but if it works, then i hope it works out. for the time being though, pray for eyes to see the inner beauty in people. that's my prayer, too. i hate it when that happens to my friends.. while i'm with them. it happened last night, too. i was with a friend, and she may not be drop dead gorgeous, but it was totally wrong for my other friends to stare @ her up and down as if she didn't belong b/c of what she was wearing. i just wanted to scratch their faces and show them that they're not any better. =,=^ okay, harsh again. but it got me really angry.

so anyway. after.. venting a bit. let's move on.
i didn't get evaluated today. guess no one signed up to take a tour today. good thing. the weather kinda sucks. it's that kind of weather where it's not cold enough to totally bundle up and wear 128393 layers. but it's not warm enough to just wear a coat. it's like i need to wear what i would when it's freezing, but then take it off halfway to class b/c then it gets hot. haha, i dunno what i'm saying. moving on yet again.

my exam was really stupid today. sssooo stupid that i just wanna jump off a cliff.

i got some coloring pages ! so our suite will be decorated with my amazing, super coloring skills. =)

take some pictures laterrr. byebye ~

Dec. 12 - math223
Dec. 14 - evolution (i dunno if i still take the final even though i'm pass/failing it. i think i still do)
Dec. 18th - physical chemistry

thank you kelvin smith library for being open 24hours a day, 7 days a week. =) i will be camping out there. don't look for me in my room. this is my home for the next 2 weeks.

going home on the 19th. i think some time in the morning. anyone gimme a ride? x) thanksss.

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Ecclesiastes 11:5

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot unerstand the work of God, the Maker of all things.

who cares if i fail all of 'em. who knows, i might end up getting C's in my classes. maybe i won't, maybe i will. but whatever happens.. God's in control of everything. i gotta trust Him b/c i have no control over my life. knowing that He's in control gives me peace.. sometimes. ~,^ seems foolish.. but that's what you gotta be sometimes. foolish. i am foolish. crazy and foolish. taking risks left and right. actually, i'm not much of a risk-taker. i'm too careful.

but i don't wanna be. why live life so carefully and in a box.

to laugh is to risk appearing the fool; to weep is to risk being called sentimental
to reach out to another is to risk involvement; to expose feelings is to risk showing your true self
to place ideas and your dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naĭve
to love is to risk not being loved in return; to live is to risk dying
to hope is to risk despair; to try is to risk failure
but risk must be taken, because the greatest risk of life is to risk nothing

the person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing

he may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, or love
chained by his attitude, he is a slave; he has fortified his freedom
only the person who risks is truly free
--janet rand

i don't wanna be stupid, but i wanna be foolish knowing that God's got my back every step of the way. =) what have i got to lose, right? do it all for Him. in the end, He gets what He's been planning all along. haha. sometimes, i just wanna sit and be like, "alright God. do what You want." but it's not like that at all. b/c if i'm like that.. completely lazy, then how do i know what God wants to do w/ me until i start doing something, and He closes doors? or opens new opportunities? i'll never know until i pray about it, act upon it, and seek his wisdom. don't be a veggie. ^ ^ i'm gonna be a risk-taker. that's something different i'm gonna this new semester. don't be scared to talk to this person. don't be scared to give that person a hug. to pray for this friend. to call someone up you haven't spoken w/ in over a year. to go on the scariest roller coaster everrrr. to go really fast on the highway. haha. to act silly, to laugh hilariously, to be the first to start dancing on the dance floor, to wear something outrageously not matching... i dunno. i'm just being random w/ these examples. but you get the idea.

who thinks i'm too careful? not spontaneous enough? hahaha.. y'all raised your hands, i know. =) it's okay.

in other news : tomorrow i'm being evaluated to be a tour guide. and it's gonna be CRAP weather tomorrow. crapcrapcrap. ssoo i hope i don't slip & fall. or worse, fail this evaluation. >,<

that's all. study hard, kids. don't stress too hard. He's got it under control.