MiSURA

seriously is the bomb. if i were to stay in cleveland for the rest of my life.... koinonia is the reason why. God loves koinonia so much.






sorry it's so blurry ! -____-;;
but honestly. i'm so thankful.
there's something real here.

i had enough $$ to buy lots and lots and lots of books.

some people, guys and girls, have asked me : why are you single?
creepy guys ask me b/c they think they can score a date w/ me. loooosers. y'know i'm gonna say no. well i guess SOMEtimes i say yes. but they stopped asking. probably b/c i'm too scary. that's a good thing... right?
girls ask me just b/c they're curious, i guess. and it stirs up pretty steamy conversations. haha.

so i guess i ask myself from time to time, too. i look at my coupled friends, and i'm like, hmm. they're happy, i guess. =) they get presents for vday and get to go on dates. they get flowers on their birthday. don't hafta search for a date to formals, etc.



looking at relationships just purely as they are... it's way too much work. i'd never concentrate on my work. i'd never buy the right presents. i'd be BROKE. i wouldn't be able to buy shoes ! but more overwhelmingly, my thoughts and feelings would be consumed with his needs and desires.

i was watching sex and the city, season 2., and that's when carrie breaks up with mr. big and then later towards the end of the season she sees him with another woman in the hamptons. mr. big is a huge deal b/c she fell in love w/ him. she "tied herself to a man who couldn't commit". so she finally detached herself after telling him she loved him, but as soon as she saw him w/ another woman who was younger, more sophisticated.. and then heard the news from him that they were engaged.. she totally fell apart.

that's my fear, too. i don't wanna meet a man of my dreams.. totally attach myself like a parasite or a leech (what lovely images), and then find out that he's terrified of commitment and doesn't want me anymore. what's the point of giving someone all my loving.. if we're not meant to get married and be together till we grow old, saggy, and wrinkly?

yesyes, i know the famous saying : it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO on whoever really said that. b/c as true as that is.. no one wants to experience heartache. trust me, i've been there. no it wasn't just a giant crush, i-think-this-could-possibly-work kinda deal. for me, no matter how many people were against us, no matter how different we were, no matter how much the future looked blurry, no matter how difficult it would be to have a long-distance relationship... i thought it would happen. i was like carrie. i made myself vulnerable and i attached myself. i jumped on the ledge and told him that i loved him. and he didn't outright deny me and push me aside like mr. big did.... but obviously we're not together right now. then i realized something huuge... we were just better off friends. not friends w/ benefits, goodness. for mr. big and carrie.. it seemed almost impossible to be friends again. but carrie still wanted it. and i really did, too. i valued our friendship over anything b/c that's how we started out. and even though it was really difficult for me the few months afterwards.. i missed him terribly and everywhere i went, i saw his face and felt his presence, hahahah am i getting too mushy? =P

anyway. what i'm trying to get at.. is that i'm single b/c i choose to be. many of us have been in relationships and you know what a rush it is. getting phone calls and text messages late at night making sure you're okay and wishing you a good night. someone to cuddle with when watching a movie. someone to hold hands with when walking down a street. someone to lean on when no one else is available. someone to bear your burdens when you feel heavy. someone to catch you when you fall sort of deal. someone to support you and encourage you in whatever you're doing. someone to bring you chicken soup when you're hacking your lungs out. annnd the list goes on. i think i made that point clear. HOWEVER... ! no matter how great the rush is... it just doesn't beat the rush of laughing w/ your close girl friends and receiving an indescribable love from Jesus Christ. who says that your best friend can't hold your hands while walking to class? i remember my best friend did that to me in high school. i thought it was the WEIRDEST thing ever. and kinda shady and creepy. but then i looked around, and ALL the girls were doing it ! maybe it's just a northwest chicago suburban thing, but yea. all the girls were doing it. my mentor supports and encourages me in everything i do. my suitemates would bring me chicken soup if i were dying in bed. Jesus bears my burdens when i'm weary. koinonia is there when i need someone to lean on. does it have to be a guy? heckkkk no.


some guys have come close to who i wanna get to know better on a deeper level.. and go on dates with.. and whatever. but i'm too chicken. haha, yes. too scared to make the first move. that's how you know i reeeally like the guy. you place me in front of the guy.. and i can't talk in front of him. i go numb and i can't feel my fingers. they go cold and my mouth goes dry. i blink a billion times per second and i can't keep my heart pumping blood. see what kind of effect guys have on me?! AIGO! but that only happens with a couple guys. those guys who are totally out of my reach and y'know. haha. most guys i'm comfortable with.. but there are a few where i just go stone cold. sound silly, i know. it's ssoooo 7th grade. haha.

seriously, though. i love being single. no drama. no mess. no broke-ness ! =)
i can focus on strengthening my relationships w/ my best friends, suitemates, koinonia girls.. just girls in general b/c that's what i really lacked when i was younger and still now. i can also focus on Jesus so much better. i still have yet to reeeally experience His love wherever and whenever. and i don't wanna reeally attach myself, unless i am the woman that my man wants me to be.. which is a woman of God. i need to get there first, before i try and make myself available. b/c i want a man of God.. so why would he ask less of me? so that's what singleness is for. basically Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye summary on singleness, i think. it's been a while since i read the book. but that's what i got out of it.



this was much too long for such a topic.
so i will end it here.
and go back to studying. =)
i'm gonna study until my exam @ 9:30AM.
it's currently 2:52AM.
here i gooo !!!

and then after the exam, i'm gonna sleep around 3:30pm-ish.
wake up, and pack for the RETREEEEEEEEEAT !!!!!!!! x)

sometimes, i surprise myself. i always thought i was the person who couldn't stay up past 2am unless i had tons of sugar or talking to people, or too excited/anxious for the next day. i thought my brain just stopped functioning after 2am. i thought my peak hours were from midnight to 2am. and then after that. konk. i'm out.

for the past two days, however, i stayed up until 6am for none of the reasons mentioned above.
i stayed up because i was studying. yessirr. the thing is... i was NOT procrastinating. i'm just super busy w/ meetings and whatever that i don't get to start studying around 7-10pm.

sunday, i was super busy working on ochem lab report, prelab report, and studying for stats.
monday, i wasn't free to study until 10pm and that's when i started studying for stats.

today, i took the stats exam, and it was eh. obviously b/c i didn't have ample time to study, i don't think i did 100% although i'd like to believe that the hours i put in consecutively studying equals the grade i deserve on the exam. however that correlation never works.. at least for me.

but that's not what i wanted to talk about.

i wanted to talk about work ethic. b/c i realize, my work ethic is actually good. i know i don't procrastinate too extreme like some people. i don't pull all-nighters every night. as long as i stick to my schedule, i get things done, man! i usually give up, but i realize that's b/c i had no motivation and no schedule.

2-6pm: nap
6-9pm : ochem prelab report & ochem lab report
9-11pm : case in point
11-130am : ochem lab report
130am-whenever : stats studying

that was Sunday night's schedule.
i stuck pretty well to that schedule. the ochem lab report took a little longer than i thought, but for the most part, i was right on track. i just need my strict schedule, my grande caramel macchiato, and a short nap. (usually my naps aren't 3hrs. i usually sleep after church b/c .. you just have to). that's the only way i'll survive, and i'll last until 5am ! DANG. haha. i have officially extended the hours in which i am functional.

the most important part is that you need motivation. w/o that, then you have nothing to work towards. why should you work anyway? who's gonna appreciate it? would you gain anything from it? what's your motivation? to get that homework assignment turned in on time. to finish the paper and make sure it's logical and well-written. to study for an exam. to go to class and sit through another "boring" lecture. to go to work.

work ethic isn't just how well you work. it's how hard you work and how diligent you are in doing it. it's how you grow from these experiences. good work ethic doesn't necessarily mean that you'll get straight As or that promotion, but it means that you're not procrastinating and you don't regret not stuyding hard enough, not putting enough effort, etc. it makes you more credible and reliable b/c people know and trust that they can have you in control of certain things, responsibilities, etc.

make sense? =)
at least that's how i see it. maybe i'm completely wrong. refute me.

i hafta go to lab now. yes, the 5.25hr lab.
i've only slept 2.5hrs.
yes, i'm gonna sleep early tonight. probably around 10-11pm. oh how lovely that sounds. =)

MNET? yea. who are you. reveal yourself now. b/c you're commenting and i dunno who you are.

=) kthanks.

so many college students want to find out "who they are". of course, i'm including myself in this crowd. we seek comfort in lots of things: academics, sports, poker, computer games, boy/girlfriend, president of every single club available, foodfoodfood, and even solitude. it's amazing what many of these things do to us. academics reassure us that hey, we're not that stupid. sports lets us know that we're not the fatties of america. poker proves how sneaky and good we are at bluffing. computer games make us feel dextrous and "smarter" but at the same time really geeky. xP a boy/girlfriend will always be there for us. to get us chicken noodle soup when we're sick, flowers on valentine's, and a goodnight kiss. being president of every single club available looks awesome on a resume. foodfoodfood satisfies us like nothing else can, surprisingly. and solitude helps us just to relax and ponder on how the day went. orr to fall asleep. whichever. both bring comfort.

this whole idea of "identity in Christ" has got me baffled. i thought i had it figured out. but when the speakers on Friday at Koinonia Large Group talked about how we need to find our identity in Christ before we step into a relationship, i totally agreed. but now that i think about it, i dunno what i was agreeing to. of course i agree that i need to know who i am in Christ.... but what the heck does that mean? how do you get there? instead of the letters, PhD, MD, JD, whatever other letters, i put JC? does my middle name become Christ? when you "identify" yourself in something, you kinda become that something. if you identify yourself as an accountant, that's b/c that's what you do. if you're a lawyer, you talktalktalk. if you're a doctor, you work night and day to help people. that's WHO you are and WHAT you do. those go hand in hand. WHO you are should determine WHAT you do. of course people change and end up changing their habits and behaviors. sometimes it's the other way around. when you start changing WHAT you do, like going into rehab, hopefully you come out a different person. =) but the point is that the two things are directly related. one affects the other.

we're all lost. face it. we ask questions b/c we don't know the answers. we sometimes seek aimlessly and try to grab things in the air where all there is .. is just air. we try to map out our life, but something seems to come along and mess ya up. you think you know what a guy/girl is thinking--ohhhh but you're so wrong. you wonder why your parents fight all the time and why they just can't get along. whatever's going on in your life... you just don't have the answers.

i read Luke 15:11-32 the Parable of the Lost Son for the bible study tomorrow

i feel just like that lost son who's wandered away from God. trying to fill my empty, vacant heart with things that just do not satisfy. i've wasted time, life, everything. i took for granted a lot of things God gave me. i'm still working on utilizing the talents God has given me for His good. there are lots of things i'm guilty of: jealousy, lies, manipulation, pride, etcetcetc. i'm a sinner. but seriously, God gives so much for us and doesn't stop giving. There was one word that really stuck out to me and it's a word that we all use. at least 283120398 times a day.

in v22 that word is used. the father didn't interrupt his son. he listened to what the son had to say. BUT, he heard it and left it at that. he couldn't stop rejoicing about how his son had returned to him. when i think about that, i can't help but think that there's a huge party going on in heaven every time a sinner repents of his sins. every time that we recommit and turn our hearts toward God again, i know God's just partying it up. =) for me, that's enough joy to last me.

so how does this passage relate to the identity in Christ business? until we truly accept what Jesus Christ has done for us.. i don't think we can ever truly turn to God. w/o believing that Jesus is the only way, the only truth, and the only life, and decide to take upon our cross, we can never truly turn to God. unless we decide to live the life that Jesus intended us to live, we won't understand how beautiful grace is. how do we define ourselves in Christ? by doing the things Jesus wants us to do. Follow his commandments. treasure His words.

who am i? i'm a daughter who was lost... for quite a while. but i know that there's a God who loves me. who's willing to open his arms, listen to my confessions, and accept me anyway. i believe in His son and i believe that he died for my sins. i believe that my life is totally messed up and totally dysfunctional w/o Him. it only makes sense when it's placed in His hands b/c i didn't bring myself into this world. only the one who's made me knows what's in store for me. if i truly am a believer and a follower of Christ, then people will see that and ultimately, THEY will define me as a Christian w/o me even saying so.

What a cute Valentine's Day gift. [read article]

"Ms Kim picked up the microphone at a karaoke bar on Monday
and continued until Valentine's Day evening."

She did it for her husband who's fighting brain tumor.
she sang 1,000 songs in just under 60 hrs. didya catch that? ONE THOUUUSAND SONGS !
no matter how many songs i have in my music library, who says that i can sing 'em all ?!?!
Maybe that'll be my ultimate gift to my husband. haha. i'll just sing aaalllll day.
i wonder if she'll get into the guinness book of world records for this.

i dunno what the title's supposed to mean. i thought i'd try to fuse snow and escapade together, but then i wanted to spell it wrong.. but whatever. title's whatever it is.

today, clara & i went to play in the snow. there's a lagoon behind the library, and we walked on it ! imagine walking on water. yea. we did it. it was frozen--we know. =)











it was such a beautiful day. freezing cold. and the snow came up to our thighs. well at least for me since i'm a good 2 inches shorter than clara. ^ ^

tomorrow's friday ! koinonia ! SWEEEEETTTT V^________^V

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song that reeeally encouraged me this week.

hillsongunited : came to my rescue // download HERE

falling on my knees in worship
giving all I am to seek Your face
Lord all I am is Yours

my whole life i place in Your hands
God of mercy, humbled I bow down
in Your presence at Your throne

i called, You answered
and You came to my rescue and I
wanna be where You are

in my life, be lifted high
in our world, be lifted high
in our love, be lifted high

sooo many times i feel so lost. like i'm going around in circles.. making the same mistakes over and over again. i will only realize 5yrs later that i actually made progress. but right now.. looking @ my life right now, it may not seem like i'm going anywhere. but He's there to save us. to bring us out of the desert. but i know that if I call on His name, that He will answer. God's been answering my prayers like crazy this semester. and it's only been 5wks! and b/c He's saved me, i just wanna praise God allll day long.

have a great weekend !!!
koinonia retreat coming up ! =D

i dunno what it is.. but snow just makes me smile.
yeea it sucks when it's blowing right in your face.. but something about it captivates me.











i didn't get to see the monet exhibit. that would've been the ultimate valentine's day gift. unless i had a boyfriend and he could give me something greater than monet, which i highly doubt he could. xP anyway. it was still beautiful. didn't do much today, but it doesn't matter. good conversations, good food, and good people are all that matter.

more pictures to come tomorrow when i go on my date w/ binna. kekekeke.

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ssoooooo i watched two movies today. two that i've already watched : a cinderella story & chasing liberty.

both of which are cheesy chick flicks that have two amazingly cute guys : chad michael murray and matthew goode. DANG. =) but that's besides the point.

the point is that i realized how stupid vday is ! MAN. especially for us singles. as much as i like being single.. i dunno what led me to watch those movies. it's not like someone suggested 'em. it's not like i've never seen 'em before. it's not like ... ahhhh i dunno. it's like this inner me was just longing to watch these dumb chick flicks. and make me all sappy and silly.

but the past few days, we've been having some girl talks.. and it's true. i really don't wanna play around anymore. there's no time for that. and frankly, i don't think a heart was meant to bear so much pain. i want the real thing.

howeverrrrrrrrr talking about guys & girls last sunday made me realize how incredibly picky i am. maybe it's b/c i've already dated and i know what i want/don't want. but how do i know what i really truly want? i don't think i do. buuuut i think i've concluded at least 5 concrete characteristics.

1. GOTTA be tight w/ God. i can't have a guy who's shaky in his faith. b/c then he'll bring me down. a man of unshakable faith and immeasurable trust in Him.

2. GOTTA know how to dance. b/c i'm gonna wanna go swing dancing, tango, whatever else i wanna learn. but i like partner dancing. ssooo he better be able to move his feet. =)

3. GOTTA have a good relationship w/ his parents. i think that's pretty huge b/c then hopefully we won't have any interfamily conflicts. but i always imagine like being able to go to his parents' house and be able to cook, play, talk, etc. be treated like a daughter. i dunno.. i like family.

4. GOTTA be able to act silly and not give a care in the world. this is the one thing that a lot of people make fun of me about. that i just do so many weird things... and then my feelings get hurt. but whatever. you're not the one anyway. =P but yea. when someone's the most free and vulnerable, that's when they're the most beautiful. being able to dance, worship, sing, write, speak, run, whatever freely. we almost feel as free as birds in the air. almost as a prisoner who was let out of his chains. hahaha obviously i'm not the most eloquent one. but you get my point. like in the snow....... i wanna be able to climb the highest mount and just scream at the top of my lungs. but i'd be disturbing the peace. but yea.

5. and this fifth one.. is iffy. b/c i know interracial marriages aren't anything new, but i'd like it if he were korean... =) bonus if he has green eyes. HAHAHA. not totally americanized. yknow? but not 100% fobby either. i don't think i'd like that at all. i want the perfect mix. 50/50. lived in america long enough to be comfortable in whatever setting, but korean enough that when we're in korea he'd fit right in. and he can teach the kids korean. ^ ^ i mean, i'll improve my korean, too.

mr. husband.. whoever, wherever you are, i'm right here. =) i wonder if he'll ever see this. unless it's someone i've already met ! then chances are he IS reading it right now. that's kinda scary. but this post is gonna stay b/c to a certain extent this blog is my journal. ssoooo yea. there are a lot more chracteristics... and i can't believe i even listed those 5. but i'm sure if you know anything about me, then you already knew those things. ~,^

but more importantly..... i want someone who'll make me believe in the impossible. and someone who can figure out my puzzle.

OH WOW.
WHAT A WEEKEND !
i have SO much stuff to do. like a 5-pg paper due monday !
but i'm sure y'all wanna see pics and whatever. so i'll shut up and let the pictures do the talking.


here are some highlights :

KSA (Korean Student Association) Night ! REST OF PICS HERE


ildo & i performed MC 몽's 너에게 쓰는 편지 (Part II - Feat. 매이비) i hope it went well !


these girls were SMOKING hot on stage. dannnnng. SZZZ. =)


david & susie came, too ! =)


this pic would've been REAL cute.... except i wasn't looking @ my surroundings. so there's a bright red ladder & a security guard picking at his fingers ! EWWW !


NOW FOR Valentine's Day Dinner w/ InverVarsity REST OF PICS HERE

Overall, I thought it went splendidly. =) The boys did such a GREAT JOB !!!! =) Setting up, cleaning up, serving, everything ! so smooth and gentlemanly. ^ ^

There was also just.. MMMM goooood fooooood. And that can never go wrong.
There were performances by various groups. Singing, Guitaring, Juggling, Body Worship. All so encouraging and amazing to see what talents God has given us.


the main boys who made it allll happen. x)






what lovely ladies !!!


and don't forget me & the balloooooons !!! =D

okay.. that's it. there are PLENTY more to view in that link above. Enjoy ! =) I never knew this much fun would require so much work. But it was sssoooooo worth it. Getting to perform, getting to know IV members, all was ssoo good.

gotta go to bed. whew.


oo oo ! sonnnng. this song was used in the fashion show, and i'm like totally hooked. haha. i like it sssoo much. it's from the 2002 World Cup Album.

Anthem (Remix) // download HERE



i hope you all had a wonderful, fun-filled weekend ! ^_________^;;

rachmaninov.............. wow.
piano concert no. 2 in c minor, op. 18
1. moderato - allegro // download HERE
2. adagio sostenuto // download HERE
3. allegro scherzando // download HERE

everytime i listen to this piece.... i just fall in love. with something. or someone. haha. or i just dream in my romantic, sappy self. =] the sad part is, i have yet to hear this performance live. with any orchestra, whether it be cleveland, chicago, london, whatever.

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the weather was absolutely gorgeous and not -2138209723 degrees. =) so of course i ventured out and took pictures ! I went by the Wade Lagoon behind the library and right on Euclid. not a single person was there. so no one disrupted my pictures. ^ ^ i only worked on three of them. i have like 40 more. haha. but you can see the 3 i have so far.


now this first one i worked on for a while. there were actually two benches. but i hid the other one b/c i likethe idea of one bench better. and i know it's not centered. i knooooow. but it's purposely done, again. every artist has a reason for his/her decisions. but we don't always reveal it. sooo.. yea. i'm not telling. but there is a reason, i swear. i'm not stupid and forgot to center it. =) and there's a huge blank white space to the right just in case i ever wanna print it out and write stuff on it. mmmhmmmm.








i think i like lampposts a lot. this is probably my third or fourth picture of a lamppost. and yes, they look all the same b/c they're from the same campus. but i think lampposts will probably be something i'll be taking pictures of a lot. like when i go to europe !!!!! ...someday. again. i will return. =)

this came out darker than i planned. o well. but i still like it b/c the sun's just BAM. right there. it hurt my eyes. and the snow was ssoo bright. but when i got closer to that area, there were lots of other trees that don't go naked during the winter so it was a little darker in that area.









guess what else ?!
i have a permanent tour slot ! which means i'll be paid on a regular basis. HA! sweeeeeeeeeeet. x)

alright that's it. i gotta get me some chipotle and practice for ksa.

prayer really works. and even if it doesn't work out (the way you want it to...) it buils character, patience, and dependence on God. prayer is just plain awesome.

this morning's prayer meeting... so blessing. i woke up @ 6:50AM for this. i didn't think i would make it. but somehow i did... and it was so touching. when we were thanking God for things that we prayed for in the past... i realized how much God has answered our prayers. how faithful He's been. how He's always been by our side. He's always been good to Koinonia.

yes, i went to sleep right afterwards and skipped pchem, BUT when i woke up, i still felt refreshed and i was ready to start out my day. i don't usually pray for an entire hour before i start my day, but i do lift up a short prayer just for God to guide my day. maybe i should pray longer. or more in depth. or whatever it is... starting out the day w/ a good morning and a prayer to God is so good for the soul. haha, makes me think of the "chicken soup for the soul". no chicken soup ! just prayer.

when i read the prayers of Jesus, the apostles, and every other character in the Bible... i see how God answered their prayers in the end. but the key is that their prayers weren't selfish. they weren't like, "God give me $30,000 so i can buy that awesome car; i need a 40+ so i can get into med school; i need to lose 20 lbs so i can impress that guy..." you get the point. of course if you treat God like a vending machine you'll get disappointed and upset. b/c vending machines even aren't perfect. yknow why? b/c that happened to me over the weekend ! haha, last Friday, after ice skating, i went to a vending machine and i was reeeally thirsty so i put in $1.25 for orange soda. and it got stuck !!!!!!!!! it wasn't like, oo it's about to fall, stuck. it was literally stuck. it was in a horizontal position so no matter how much we shook it.. it wouldn't fall out. stupid vending machine. so, even vending machines can't give you everything you want. plus, they run out of stuff by the end of the day. and someone has to come the next morning and refill it. God is SO not like that. If you pray with his will in mind, then all things are possible. if you treat him like a vending machine, only disappointment and anger lies ahead. don't ever make that mistake. (note to self, too).

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seal - love's divine // download HERE // rest of lyrics HERE
i heard this song watching a csi episode yesterday. hehe.
i fell in love w/ the lyrics.. the music.. the whole thing.
but instead of the word love, i substituted Jesus.

now substitute love with Jesus.
today was a good monday.

...are amazing. i know i talk about how i don't get along with girls so easily .... (which is still true to a certain extent), but being w/ the girls last night @ the feminar... omygoodness. why am i so blessed w/ these sisters?!

thanks, God. i dunno what i'd do without these girls.

deliver me, out of my sadness

deliver me, from all of the madness

deliver me, courage to guide me

deliver me, strength from inside me