MiSURA

i just wrote a super long post about how many problems i have and how worried i am.
but forget it. not b/c i'm being passive or ignorant or lazy. but because i realize that this world is bigger and that our God is bigger and that my problems will be allll taken care of.

listen to this song. chris tomlin - the way that i was made.

yesterday koinonia girls had a feminar.. and the host was tash. she's planning to move out of her condo by the end of may and she was basically giving away all of the stuff she doesn't want and wants to get rid of. of course we all went rummaging and shopping through her stuff. i came back with lots of stuff like two dresses from banana republic, three black skirts, two teddy bears, etcetc... and then the newest invention i have ever come across : the heated eyelash curler.

now, most asian girls have short eyelashes and it's SO frustrating because the clamping eyelash curlers are a big pain in the butt. some girls (even guys!) are fortunate and have long eyelashes and don't run into this problem, but if you have short ones, listen up !

this heated eyelash curler works awesome. i dunno where to purchase them or anything. i'm sure you can find one on ebay or something. i like to use the clamper first just to get a general shape for the curve and then immediately apply mascara. wait for that to dry a little bit and then clamp down some more. then finally the last touch is the heat. you hafta heat and work slowly like you would try to straighten hair. you don't just grab a bunch of hair and swiftly move from the scalp to the tips. you grab a little bit of hair and carefully move outwards. in a similar fashion, do that to your lashes. work slowly from the base to the tips of the lashes. i also like to hold onto the tips and then press against my eyelid a bit to make sure that the curl will come out. clara also says that the heated eyelash curler actually lengthens your lashes ! haha... sweet. i wonder if you can get split ends on your eyelashes ! haha.

=====

now for a more serious note..
one of the books i picked up @ tash's place was God's Word of Life for Women.
Basically it speaks on a variety of topics ranging from relationships to obedience, prayer to encouragement, and finances to self-image. it's just pages and pages of verses from the Bible. I think i really liked the book because it not only points to specific verses in the Bible like a reference book, but it makes me wanna read it in the context, too. that's important. never take just one verse out of the Bible and try to generalize. read the entire paragraph, chapter, book. only then will you truly understand that one verse you jacked.

i think this could be like a new devotional for me. i have a quiet time bible just not a devotional book. so i think meditating on a verse from each topic would be real good.

=====

finally figured it out !
i am obviously NOT computer literate. but i finally found an easy way to play music w/o having it automatically play AND have a player in each blogpost. =) so for your convenience, here it is ! so you can listen to it first before you download it. haha, how smart am i. ....err not. but anyway ! this is the canon in d rock version by the korean guy, whose name i forget. download the song HERE !




=====

In response to the post right before this one, here are my justifications.

"you" could be the most important word in the phrase because...
"i love _____". fill in the blank. we can easily insert music, movies, dancing, singing, books, monet, shakespeare, computers, my bed, sleep, animals, etcetc. but to actually say it to someone and mean it.. that's truly another thing. to insert "you" gives that person joy because s/he knows that s/he is loved. it gives a person worth.

"love" could be the most important word in the phrase because...
i believe the love that is exemplified in the bible. whether it's in I Corinthians 13:4-8 or God's love through Jesus Christ. Whichever and however it was demonstrated, when someone says "i love you" s/he better have a sound mind about the meaning of love. it's not some infatuation or obsession or idolatry. so when someone says that s/he really means what s/he says. those three words shouldn't be spit out like other phrases like, "wats up" and "how you doing?". it has a precious yet powerful meaning.

but to me.. "i" is the most important word because...
when i say it, i admit that i'm capable of love. we're all selfish. we all wanna be loved. we gravitate towards the people who are kind to us and benefit us. why would you call someone who never calls you back? why buy someone food who can never pay you back? why spend time with a person who never makes time for you? it's not forcing myself. but being able to put their needs before mine. when i can finally admit that my life is sometimes not that important, i can put my thoughts and cares on theirs. therefore i am admitting that despite my sinful and selfish nature, i can put others before me. it's not only a declaration of love towards that person, but it's a reminder that just as Jesus loved me, i can love others. =)

ssooo that's my thoughts. ^ ^

=====

Virginia Tech.
All week this has been on the minds of all across the U.S. and especially college students. yesterday in small group we shared our discomforts and even thanks due to vT. what did i share? i shared about how i know lonely, depressed people like Cho. i wonder how many people tried to approach him. i'm sure a lot of people did try. what about when he first came to the states? how much he must've been taunted and made fun of. b/c that's what happened to me. i went to rich schools where kids drove real nice cars and parents could afford anything in the town. but even though not many people really helped me out, i learned how to depend on Jesus. maybe that's the difference between Cho and i. even in high school, there was one kid in particular who looked like was having a tough time. this kid had trisomy21. he was my year in high school. when he first came, all the other girls and guys were freaked out. he didn't look normal and he didn't speak very clearly either. he was loud and obnoxious during praise and bothered people around him. he smiled at awkward moments and scared off the other girls. but there was one kid. a year younger than me. he always sat next to the kid and even tho he was loud during praise, he wasn't ever bothered. he still kept on praising like he normally would. he passed up the opportunity to be with his friends to be with this kid and made him laugh. at the end of senior year, the kid w/ trisomy21 mentioned how this one guy in high school helped change his life. he knew that he wasn't the smartest, coolest, or most handsome. but the guy didn't care. he sat next to him anyway. he joked around as if they were best friends. he learned how to be happy and take joy in the little things of life. he realized that the world isn't as bad as he made it seem.

i wonder if someone helped Cho in this way. or even tried at least. i know i shouldn't argue that "maybe things would've been different" because God does have a reason for everything. but watching the disturbing video about his message to the world.. gives me the chills.

keep all the families in your prayers.
especailly Cho's family. i can only imagine the agony they must be in. what shame they feel. and how badly they just wanna escape.

lyricks - deliver me // download here

which word do you identify with the most?
is it the "i"?
is it the "love"?
is it the "you"?

which word and why?
i randomly had this thought as i was walking to lab yesterday. verrry strange, i know. but i suddenly thought of the phrase and i asked myself what about this phrase makes it so special? what does it mean? i justified why each word is important. but in the end, i was able to choose just one. i'll share after this post has been up for a day or two. so you can get a chance to think about it. =)

check out my ever amazing schedule for next fall. i can't even believe it. i wish the thurs. were on fridays. BUT it's alright. better than nothing, right? so here's the breakdown on the classes.

soci204 = criminology

chem328 = intro to biochem (more emphasis on the chemistry part)

chem311 = inorganic chemistry I

chem331 = lab methods in inorganic chemistry

only twelve credit hours! =D sweeeeeeet. that chem331 lab is gonna be insane. it's like i'm researching once a week like a real researcher. i wonder if i'll ever see the sun on tuesdays. that will be my most depressing day. but at least b/c of that i can't take any other tues. thurs. classes and so i end up w/ having no classes on thurs. =) haha, who's complaining. and CRIMINOLOGY ! i wish they still had that forensic science class.... but still ! at least i get to take criminology ! AHHH ! i hear it's a pretty laid back class and that the prof is real good. so here's to hoping for an awesome fall semester. ^ ^

right now, though, my lower back hurts like crazy ! this is what it feels like to be old, huh. man... ferreeeeal. i woke up and went to the prayer meeting w/ my lower back aching so much. but like the title says: just breathe. it's okay. i'm still alive. my heart is still young. =) and like joyce prayed, our hands may be rugged from serving and working, but they're still fresher than some and they're still usable ! so i'm not gonna stop working just b/c my lower back hurts. what crazy talk. i'll heal in just a few days. =) as for my voice? i really hope it comes back. i really get frustrated when warming up because i can't seem to go past like an E/F. and that's... just sad. i'm trying to sing but all that comes out is air.

literally and spiritually.

literally--yea my eyes are horrible. i hafta like have things as close as several inches from my eyes in order for me to see them clearly. otherwise it's blurry. it's quite annoying, really. maybe i really should just get lasik and cure all my problems........ i'm too scared ! haha, anyway. let's move on.

spiritually--this is what i mean.
yesterday, i heard the news that we'll be living on southside next year for housing.
let me try to explain this to you. EVERYONE, and i mean EVERYONE lives on northside. all the freshmen, 90% of upperclassmen, and a good number of sophomores. southside is for mostly sophomores and the loser upperclassmen who didn't get the village (luxurious upperclassmen housing). Sooooooooooooooo that's where we're living. On southside, where the food may be better, but socially? it's completely missing. I'll be five minutes from classes and my car won't be parked so far. Hmm.. maybe I should try to see the brighter side. haha. but this is exactly what i mean ! Clara said that God's closed EVERY opportunity for us to live on northside. there MUST be a reason why He's put us on southside. And I'm so blind to that ! Whyyyyyyyyyy. why why why. Why do i have to be so shallow and hollow and forget that God's got a reason behind everything?

another thing: many of you know that I thought and prayed about presidency for Koinonia since like... february. well maybe not many of you. but a few did know. but i ended up not getting it. i got vice pres. aka large group coordinator. and while the person who interviewed me explained to me why i received this position instead of presidency, suddenly the heavens opened up and i understood. presidency was actually the wrong way for me to go. my vision for Koinonia was so geared towards large group, not that i don't care about praise, prayer, and small group. but the vision was specifically towards how large group was conducted. so why not take charge of it and make it what God wants it to be? if i were president, my responsibilites would be scattered and i wouldn't be able to fully carry out God's plans. why didn't i see this before? why didn't i ever consider large group coordinator? HMMM?

=====

it's raining and i have to give a tour. i should get paid double. haha, for walking two miles backwards, for having to talk real loud, enduring the rain and take the risk of getting pneumonia, etc. y'know. is this too much to ask?

bahahaha, iiiiiiiiiii'm juuuuuust kidding. =) i really like giving tours. as long as the people are enjoying themselves, laughing at my lame jokes, and asking questions--it makes my job a LOT easier.

today is a VERRRRRY special day. lemee tell ya why.

1. It's my daddy's birthday.
48 years old.
it's amazing how far he's come. purely on faith in God. each life is special and a testimony to God's faithfulness, and my daddy's no different. his life is incredible and the way that He's faithfully followed God's calling... makes me wanna trust in God that much more. 아빠, thank you for being a prime example of what a Christian should be.

2. It's Jing's Birthday.



haha, dang look how pretty we are in the first pic. i don't feel like we've grown at all.. but seriously. we've matured so much. and jing.. you are incredible. remember how tough ochem lab is ? you've overcome that ! and it's almost over ! you're a brilliant student and an even better friend. even when the worst times are happening, you are still thinking of others and you don't mind walking up and down those elephant stairs a million times to make sure a friend is doing well. get your cell phone to start working so we can call each other more, woman ! since i'll be living on southside next year, we can study some more together ! wheeeeeeeee =]

i cherish our friendship and even though you're gonna leave me a year early... T___T;; i won't forget you. something about friendships in college is different.

3. It's Jen Guo's birthday.
So many birthdays !!!
and jen.. we kinda need more pics together. b/c this is the only one i could find of us together ! so sad... -___-;;

but jen ! thank you so much for this year. we've shared lots of struggles with each other but i know that you've kept me in your prayers and that alone is a huge encouragement. your testimony during the feminar.. i will never forget. God truly does work through other people, even when they're just sharing about their lives. Even though we may not have gone through the same exact things, the most important thing we have to keep in mind is that God is sovereign in everything He does. Jen you're a great role model and I'm glad you're sticking around next yearrrr !!!! =D


4. this one's a secret. ^___^;;

=====

Tomorrow's friday !! AWESOMMME FINALLY. =D
enjoy the weekend.

When someone tells you that you're beautiful, do you believe it?
Does it take a certain someone to tell you that?

It's like when a random person tells me I'm good at piano or singing. I think to myself, "Yeayea, it was alright. I could've done better." But if a world-renown concert pianist or Josh Groban said the same thing, I'd melt in their arms and love 'em to death. Is that how you're like?

Okay, I guess talents and beauty are a little bit different.

But still. How good are you at accepting praises? And how do you deal with them?

Growing up, I knew I was good at piano. I got confirmations left and right. I won competitions with my eyes closed. Sometimes literally. I could sightread like no other. Hymns were a piece of cake and you could play a random note and I'd tell you what note it was. Learning by ear was easy and perfecting piano pieces came so naturally.

I also knew that I was good at memorizing stuff. Birthdays, phone numbers, U.S. states and capitals, vocabulary and the definitions, etc.

But I was never really told that I was pretty or beautiful. Haha, maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was some pimple-covered, big-glasses, wrinkled-clothing, short girl. How attractive does that sound? Not at all. My parents never really told me that. But then again they hardly ever said, "I love you", either. With my parents it's kinda implied. I know that they know I'm beautiful and that they love me--they just don't have to say it. I finally understand that frustrating concept. But back to the topic at hand, since then, I've been in relationships. I've had really close friendships. And I'm starting to hear the phrases, "You're beautiful!" "Your hair is so pretty." "You look so cute today!" "You really are beautiful..." a lot more often. Even though I may not cringe on the outside, my heart cringes just a bit when I hear that. I don't mean to. And I know that they sincerely mean what they say, and all they mean to do is give a compliment, but something in me just can't accept it.

Blah--------beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Too bad it's possible that the beholder's eye is not her own, also (I'm just gonna use the female pronoun since I'm a girl. ^ ^). It's a shameful reality. That someone cannot see her own beauty. That someone else has to point it out to her. What could've happened in her past to lead her to doubt her beauty. Why hasn't she been able to unveil what lies within her? Why is it so difficult? It frustrates me, too. Some girls I know don't even have to try. They just... are. But instead of coveting the other girls' beauty, we're all made different, aren't we. So what makes you just you and beautiful?

I wish I had a simple formula to cook up and transform people into their beautiful selves.
I'm trying harder to easily accept compliments and realize that it's a waste of time to be so hard on myself. I feel like I'm still waiting for that moment when that one person says, "You're beautiful" and all is right in the world. It's the stupid influence of romantic movies and fantasies. AHHH strike it from my brain and heart. But I think in reality, I really only need confirmation from the One who matters the most: God. Once you find your identity in Him, then everything else just falls into place. All the insecurities.. place them on Jesus' shoulders. All the "imperfections" are from God. He wouldn't have made you any other way.

=====





i saw some tulips about to bloom outside of strosacker. and then the snow hit. haha, so now they're buried in the snow. but i just wanted to tell myself why i like tulips again.

i like the fact that they're ephemeral. if they lasted forever, then i'd never really appreciate their short-lived beauty. all their life, they're beautiful. it's like that quote from Troy about how the gods envy us mortals because death makes life that much more glorious (that was a horrible paraphrase, but it had that idea, i believe). the fact that they last only one month makes me want to invest all of my time walking outside staring at them. Haha. they offer nothing for me besides color and a smile, but their simple elegance from the bloom to blossom to the opening of the flower, each stage is beautiful.

if tulips are blooming around your area, take the time and smell them, and appreciate their beauty. =)

.....that's all.
have a nice week. ^ ^

1. i don't think i'm gonna graduate early.
i'm gonna stay the last semester.. and pick up an art history minor. just for the heck of it. =)

2. i'm gonna apply for both the CIA and FBI summer internships. i hope they don't both reject me because i applied to both. =\

3. i need to go summer shopping........... badly. seriously. i dunno where all my clothes went. where'd they go ?!

4. i reeeally like drawing organic structures. call me cray and weird. but i really do. something about drawing those perfect benzene rings gives me satisfaction. and drawing the double and triple bonds give me a thrill. the best part is drawing the arrows to show electron pushing. hahaha. the bonuses are when i get to draw complicated structures like proteins that have lots of benzene rings and cyclopentanes. ohyeeea.

5. i still plan on going into forensic science. but if i can.. i wanna go into forensic art. like restoring art, checking for forgery, work closely with art museums. maybe i'll get to travel a lot ! =)

if you can't tell already, i don't want some ordinary job. i want something that no one has (which is quite difficult). if i'm gonna be a forensic art person, then i wanna be the most sought out person for the job. if i'm gonna be a crime scene investigator, then i wanna be awesome at my job--be the most thorough, careful, detailed, and the best. ^ ^

6. it's snowing like CRAZY in cleveland. i don't think it's stopped snowing since last thurs. or wed. whichever. it's been snowing straight for quite some time, now. as much as i love snow................... it's kinda getting ridiculous. but i still love it. =D so "thanks God for a green christmas and a white easter". =) (quote from our speaker last friday night)



thaaaaaaaaat's it. =)
go tell a friend that you're praying for him/her. unless you're not. then start praying.

Happy Easter.

=====

Just watched the movie.

quite interesting because it made me think about how far people are willing to go for love. the actual casanova told a ton of lies. lied about who he is mostly. kept on telling different people that he was someone else. and francesca would sacrifice her life and die with her lover even though he lied the entire time about who he really was. they were willing to go against the Catholic Church, authorities, the law, etcetc.

but lately........ i dunno. unlike francesca, there's no more of "waiting for the one". there was a quote from the movie that i really liked.

Give me a man who is man enough to give himself just to the woman who is
worth him. If that woman were me I would love him alone.. and forever.